It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
