Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
