I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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