Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
