omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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