No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize