Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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