Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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