Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
