hotel room ftw
I cannot find my penis.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize