I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
