I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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