I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
