They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
