So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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