You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
