Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You made out with two different species that night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
