If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
