Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
