Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
