Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
