New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
