we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
