I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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