at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
