Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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