I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
