my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk is not a location!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
