My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
