Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
