"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
