glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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