Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
