you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
