my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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