Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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