evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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