honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
