And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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