I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
