i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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