so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
