I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
