He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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