Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize