Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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