There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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