Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
