I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
