Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
