hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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