True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
that is very illegal...i love you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
