i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
