He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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