remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
