Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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