Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the condom got lost in my hair
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're too hungover to prance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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