lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
