I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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