so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
