I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
