I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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