come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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