HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
