Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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