OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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