we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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