no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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