Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
