I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
